STRONG LEADER OR A SUBTLY AGGRESSIVE MANAGER? THE BOUNDARY THAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED.

How is your management board doing? And how to tell the difference between assertiveness and aggression in leadership? 🤔

A topic that we at Fenix deal with more often than it might seem.

Business owners and board members come to us with a clear assignment: “We need a strong personality. A manager who doesn’t let himself be overwhelmed will keep the direction and pressure.” In the growth or transformation phase of a company, this is a perfectly legitimate requirement. But this is where one of the thinnest lines in leadership arises – the line between healthy assertiveness and aggressiveness.

At first glance, they may seem very similar. Both styles are energetic, straightforward, decisive. The difference will only become apparent when resistance, criticism or uncertainty comes.

Assertiveness is not loudness. And certainly not dominance. It is  the ability to assert oneself without violating respect for others. Aggressiveness,  on the other hand, works with pressure, power, and defense of one’s own ego. And the boundary between them is often less visible than we think.

WHY SHOULD YOU WATCH THIS IN YOUR ROLE AS A BUSINESS OWNER OR BOARD MEMBER?

Because an aggressive manager can increase performance in the short term. The team is stepping up, decisions are implemented quickly, the pressure is driving things forward. The problem is that the price for this style will be reflected with a delay.

Long-term aggressive management:

• increases the turnover of strong personalities,
• creates a “yes-culture” where people stop opposing
• weakens psychological safety,
• It moves conflicts behind the scenes.

The board often sees results. HR sees departures. The rest of the company feels the tension.

And that’s why it’s important to be able to distinguish whether you’re following a solid leader or a manager who enforces performance by force.

THIS IS WHAT AGGRESSION LOOKS LIKE IN PRACTICE:

Aggressiveness in management rarely means open outbursts. More often it manifests itself more subtly:

• sharp tone or tactless expression,
• by coercive assertion of an opinion by “force of position”,
• by going on the counterattack when criticized,
• belittling others,
• by escalating conflicts instead of resolving them.

Such a manager can be an excellent negotiator and a strong driver. At the same time, however, it can be psychologically exhausting for the team.

Paradoxically, we have repeatedly encountered candidates who showed a very high ability to assert themselves and stand up for themselves, but at the same time had a low tolerance for dissent. It is this combination that is risky. After all, “fortress” easily becomes conflict.

DO YOU OVERLOOK THE RISK IN YOUR OWN MANAGEMENT?

Try to stop for a moment and ask yourself an unpleasant but important question: isn’t the topic of aggression more about someone from my current leadership, or even about myself?

A business owner or board member usually has a strong personality. Without her, he would not have built the company. But that is precisely why it is useful from time to time to examine whether the firmness of the attitude has not grown into a hardness that silences others. It is also fair to look at the style of an existing manager or colleague from management, especially if tension, fluctuation or caution in communication is growing around him.

INSTEAD OF A QUICK JUDGMENT, IT IS BETTER TO START WITH QUESTIONS:

• Does the person react to disagreement matter-of-factly or irritated?
• Can they accept criticism without immediately explaining why it is unfounded?
• Does it give room for debate, or does it tend to close it quickly?
• Do people agree with him too easily and speak differently outside the room?

Aggression in leadership often does not have a dramatic effect. It doesn’t have to be noisy or explosive. It is often chronic hardness without a willingness to correct one’s own attitude. And this is the moment when not only HR, but also the owner of the company himself should pay attention.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THIS WHEN CHOOSING A MANAGER?

When selecting key people, we recommend not only monitoring experience and results, but above all monitoring reactions to pressure.

Questions focused on specific conflict situations work well in the interview, such as:

• “Describe a situation where someone publicly contradicted you. How did you react?” Observe the tone, not just the content of the answer.
• “When was the last time you received harsh criticism? What did you do then?” An aggressive candidate often explains why the criticism was unfounded.
• “Did it happen that you retreated in the conflict? Why?” A strong leader knows the value of compromise. An aggressive style often sees retreat as a weakness.
• “How do you react when someone doesn’t meet your expectations for a long time?” Beware of language that works primarily with pressure and sanction.

The moment of questioning is also important. We consciously set up a situation where the candidate has to defend his opinion. We are not so much interested in argumentation as in emotions. Is the answer calm or irritation? Curiosity or defense?

HOW DO WE AT FENIX WORK WITH THIS?

Personality psychological diagnostics has been part of our Executive Search service for 10 years and we test candidates in selection procedures and we encounter the topic of the thin line between assertiveness and aggression in managers quite often.

At FENIX, we look at communication style comprehensively. We monitor the ability to assert oneself, stand up for oneself, work with feedback and develop relationships. At the same time, we pay close attention to control indicators that can signal the risk of a shift to an aggressive style.

If we identify a strong ability to assert oneself along with a more abruptly style of communication, we always interpret it in the context of the role and stage of the company. This is not an automatic disqualification, but a conscious work with risk.

In practice, this means, for example:

• recommend structured 360° feedback after onboarding,
• set a clear framework for working with conflict,
• support the manager with coaching focused on emotional regulation.

It is crucial to know what style he enters the role with, and it will not surprise you only when he leaves the team for the first time.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT IF THE PROBLEM ALREADY EXISTS?

If you suspect that someone in management is crossing the line, it’s important to work with a specific behavior, not a label. Name the situations and their impact. Set clear expectations of what is and isn’t acceptable. Track the change over time.

Ignored aggression does not self-adjust, it only adapts to the environment!

WHY ARE WE WRITING ABOUT THIS?

Because the difference between “strong leader” and “toxic pressure” tends to be inconspicuous. And it often costs the company millions, in the form of lost trust, a weakened culture and the departure of key people.

Assertiveness is the ability to say an unpleasant thing with respect.
Aggression begins where listening and willingness to correct one’s own attitude disappear.

If you are choosing or evaluating a manager, not only watch whether he “can handle it”. Also watch what atmosphere it leaves behind. This is the most accurate indicator of leadership quality in the long term.

Source: https://www.tcconline.cz/blog/marta-fabianova-pro-hr-news-kde-je-hranice-mezi-asertivnim-a-agresivnim-chovanim-a-dokazeme-asertivitu-merit/, https://positivepsychology.com/assertiveness-in-leadership/. Text byl redakčně zpracován s využitím nástroje ChatGPT (OpenAI).